My lowest in life.

Hello everyone. How are you? It's been a while since I wrote a blog that had some meaning, some substance. Well, tonightI am going to do just that. I have had my highs and my lows in life, but several years ago I really hit rock bottom when I joined a band called Gods n Aliens. How everything came about was, when I was searching for places to play in the area open mic, I discovered this local joint called the Revolutionaries Café. The place was pretty much a dive, but it was something to do when I wasn't working making endless subs at the local sub shop just down the road.

When I played open mic, I filled in occasionally for different musical acts that would frequent this place. As time went on, I was approached by the co-owner of this place to become a bass player of the band. I jumped at the opportunity. After all, I love being on stage. There is something gratifying about playing for other people and what else can I say? I love music and any opportunity involving music is an opportunity that interests me.

In 2011, is when I met Andy. Andy was a suave, stern, artistic guy. Sort of a free spirit, he was really nice in the beginning. He persuaded me to take the opportunity. I also met Guy. The guy's name is Guy and he was the guitar player. He was a true talent. Kind of a classic guitar player who was all about the music. These two men made me believe that the band was going somewhere and that the opportunity was just getting started. So, what did I do? I took the opportunity because I loved playing on stage.

I noticed some minor things, but overlooked them because I wanted to be a part of something great. As time went on, one of the band members ended up getting addicted to drugs. Not just any, but heroin and I witnessed a lot of highs and lows with him. He didn't last long, but he ended up getting help and decided to come back. We went on tour, but it was a joke because we were broke. The money we did have was minimal, so there was a budget. At the time, I was smoking cigarettes and eating enough for 10 people, so this wasn't a good lifestyle for me. During the tour, I was falsely accused of taking money that I never took. I was ganged up on. I was pretty much the guy everyone bullied. The fill out drummer actually came to me and told me that I should quit because music isn't for everyone and I wasn't doing anything to help the band. Nice guy right? The guy was a has been in his 50s, so his words of wisdom really meant nothing and still doesn't. I am only sharing it because it's part of the story. Lol.

The tour was a nightmare, but I put up with it because at the time I had no money, barely any friends (except people far far away), and I knew no one in Georgia. I cut ties from those that mattered. After begging my mother for money, she couldn't lend me any because she didn't have it, I just gave up on myself and just went with it. I put up with being bullied simply because I was too weak and didn't care about myself to even give in to what was happening. I was always being insulted. My band members never cared either. They knew I was at my lowest, but they never helped me. Why is that? Fast forward a few months, I ended up making terrible choices. I hooked up with a bar hag who stalks me still to this day, I ripped my pants and everything was hanging out. No one said anything to me, but laughed that I was humiliating myself. I was the punchline to their jokes. And when they would compliment me, they would follow with an insult. The lead singer did this to me often. I drank so much that I shit myself on stage. You would think that these band members who claim they care would actually help me out of this mess? Well, they didn't.

Last night I was bombarded with messages that I am being attacked again. In fact, here is the screenshot that was sent to me:

This picture is going around. It's going around the internet because one of the band members decided to take a dip at me for no reason at all. I guess he believes I am still the same person in the photo, which is sad. This was taken in 2012 and I was at my lowest, as you can kind of tell by the image. I mean, look at me? That is a person in need of help. I will admit, I lead a lifestyle that I would wish on no one. On top of drinking a 30 pack of beer a day, I was taking 50 mg of Trazadone and 40 mg of Paxil. Instead of feeling happy, I was depressed. I had no job and really no motivation at all. In the picture, I look like a nightmare. Why? Because I was living one. I was living a nightmare. I did not care about myself or my life at. So, in early 2013, I attempted suicide. I did not succeed. I overdosed on pills. I thought it would solve everything and I just thought the world would be better without me. I had no purpose. As I cried myself into oblivion praying to God that if someone loved me, they would help me, that is when Sarah Afshar came back into my life.

You see, at this time, Sarah and I were just friends. We connected in 2011, but we spoke sporadically because of the distance between us. At the time, Sarah was living in Dillon, MT and I was at in McKees Rocks, PA. We talked about getting back together for years, but she always sort of shot me down and told me she just wanted to be friends because she was too busy for a relationship. When Sarah contacted me, it was as if God answered my prayers. Sarah is seriously an angel in disguise. Why? Because she saved my life.

As I confided into her about what was going on, she told me the truth. She also gave me an ultimatum which literally saved my life. She said "Joe, it is either them or me?" That is when I realized there is just no way I would ever choose anyone over Sarah, so I did what any man would do and took her advice. When I didn't look back at those people, cut them out of my life, and not even thought twice about living that lifestyle again, I could feel myself changing. The change was real. I had more motivation and on top of that, I had direction. The good kind, not the bad kind. Instead of having direction towards the local bar, I had direction to better my life. I was unemployed and ended up getting and working a stable, full-time job where I helped other people. I met new friends, as well. It is a great feeling and I am loving how my life has turned out.

In the end, Sarah is the reason why I am at my highest and it is because of her, I realize who I am as a person and my worth. In the end, I am worth something and the changes I made are real. When I look at the picture above, I can't believe I ever let myself go, but I don't see myself as that person in the picture anymore. The point I am making is, if you are at your lowest and feel like giving up on your life, just remember there is always someone out there that will give you that motivation, that little helping hand of tough love to get you going. That angel in disguise will also push you in the direction you are meant to go.

In this case, my angel is Sarah Afshar. Sarah, I cannot say thank you enough. I love you more than you know. I do believe Sarah is responsible for my change, but I will say that I changed my life for the better and as for those people from my past who continue to talk about me and belittle me for being depressed and at my lowest, I am living in the present. The Joe Valo 3, 4, and even 5 years ago is not the same Joe Valo now. I am happy and I am living my life. If I can do it, you can too.