Joseph Valo III
Recently, I had the honor and privilege to talk to Rainer,who knew Morgan Ingram better than anyone except her family. Rainer is a great guy who helps his community and who loved Morgan very dearly. Well, let's get to the interview with Rainer and see what he had to say.
Joe: How are you, Rainer? The world wants to know, who is Rainer Jundt?
Rainer: I'll do my best, I'm still figuring me out too.. On the outside I am a writer, an athlete, a traveler and practicing EMT. I like to wear leathers and be in the element while riding my Harley, Nyx. When I was little I always loved to pretend I was some warrior or knight, guess this was as close as I could get to armor and a horse. When we would go on car rides, even up until present day, I loved to stick my head out the window so I could feel the wind on my face...its always centered me somehow, made me feel closer to who I am. I knew when I grew up I was either going to have to sprout some wings are put some underneath my legs. I love riding cause for awhile, I can fly again. I have lived a few different places in my life and visited many, New Orleans being one of my favorites, but its the Rocky Mountains that have forever stolen my heart, and no matter how much I travel away from them, they always seem to breath me back in. The journey has yet to begin and yet it feels like the second time I've walked this path, a life already lived. Who am I? I am a son and a brother, a friend and an enemy, a teacher and a student, a passionate protector of the things I love and a warrior of my ideals. And once, I was a star crossed lover.
Joe: How did you meet Morgan Ingram? When did you meet Morgan Ingram?
Rainer: I met Morgan when I was in the 4th grade, she was in 6th grade at the time. We grew up together, as friends, then best friends and on my transition into high school, as lovers. Morgan and I spent five years in romance, but had known each other for nine years in all...nearly half my life. I remember the first time I was ever really introduced to her, I was shy back then, I barely looked anyone in the eye for long. But those green eyes caught mine, held mine. There was something so easy about being with Morgan, at least for me, it was second nature.
Joe: What was Morgan like? The world wants to know, who was Morgan Ingram?
Rainer: Morgan was, as cliché as it may be, pure light. I have never in all my life met someone with such vivaciousness for living, such pride in self. It was contagious, to say the least, and I felt honored that she saw that same strength and light in me, that she chose me to be her partner, her Knight. Morgan loved puzzles, and as we both loved to paint and write, we spent countless hours together doing just that, especially at the beginning of our romantic relationship when Morgan was still recovering from carbon monoxide poisoning. Her physical body had been made temporarily fragile from the exposure and we took it slow the first handful of months that we were together, but I didn't mind, we could have been starving in the desert together and somehow we would have found something to laugh about. We sparked a sort of playfulness in each other that was inescapable. Soon she was living life to the fullest, pushing the boundaries with me at her side. Whether we were dancing in the rain, running up a mountain by moonlight or tubing down the river, there was always an adventure to be had for Morgan and I, and at the end of the day we would curl up like two tired out pups.
Joe: When was the last time you saw Morgan? When was the last time you spoke to her? What was the last thing she said to you?
Rainer: The last time I saw Morgan was over a Skype session. I was living out in Savannah, GA. She was still back in Colorado. We had our trials as lovers, but I realize now some of my faults. I left home believing that this girl and I were fated together in a sense, we had discussed it and our futures and both felt this powerful bond, which to some I know sounds silly as young as we were, but its my truth. Even when we pushed each other away, somehow, like gravity, we would fall back even closer together. We would find each other again, we promised and Ill never forget letting go of her hands for the last time, I never thought for a second when I left that it would be the last time I ever saw Morgan. She hadn't told me a lot about the stalking, and if she did make mention of anything it was written off in a very Morgan way. I understand now that she didn't want me to worry, to not focus on my own journey, even though she was scared. I never new the seriousness of the matter until it was too late. Morgan told me that day it might be best if we didn't talk for a bit, at least while I was away, it was too hard for her to see and talk to me while I was a couple thousand miles from home and we were both walking different paths. It was so hard for me too. I understood, and tried to respect her decision. A week later she was gone...
Joe: What did Morgan say about her parents? What did Morgan say about Toni and Steve?
Rainer: Morgan adored her parents more than anything in world. She loved to tell me about their epic romance having been lovers since they were our age at the time. To Morgan, her parents were a sort of inspiration, and she never wanted to let them down. The family dynamic was strong, always long talks over dinner, always communication, this family talked about nearly everything, even if the talking escalated into yelling...gotta love an italian dinner table :) We spent a lot of time with Toni and Steve too, hiking, cooking, watching movies and going on small family trips. I felt honored in the beginning that they let me into there world and there daughters world at such a tough time. It would have been only natural for them to be protective of her and her health after the carbon monoxide scare, and of course they were, but they excepted me into their family, and its still one of the greatest gift I've been given. But Morgan's ailments after her exposure to carbon monoxide also gave her a special relationship with both her parents. Bonds never grow stronger then when faced with the possibility of losing them. As a result the life threatening event only tied all of them tighter and fonder together. I'm very close with my own parents and family, and it was easy for me to see from day one that these people only wanted joy, health and love for there amazing daughter. It's what she deserved.
Joe: When you found out Morgan was dead, what went through your mind? Can you tell me?
Rainer: I wish that I could Joe. All I can say is how I remember it. I was cooking dinner and missed a call from Toni and then another call from Kate, Morgan and my best friend. I remember seeing the missed calls and being excited to call them back, since it had been a moment since we had last spoken. They had both left me a message so I entered into my voicemail not knowing that the next thing I would hear would change my life forever. “Morgan is gone...” I got Toni's voicemail first...I must have listened to the voicemail and the break in her voice a dozen times. I wanted it to be some cruel joke so desperately, but I knew Toni and Steve well, and that kind of pain has no mask...that kind of pain can't lie. It sounded like a thousand goodbyes. I was frozen, frozen with a cold that iced over mind, body and soul. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak...couldn't move. I became very sick to my stomach and ran to the bathroom where I began to purge. I remember feeling her very close after that, a flicker of warmth in such ice. I had a somewhat out of body experience, I think, but I felt her hair in my face, like it always used to be when we slept together, tickling my nose and cheeks. For a moment there was a warmth that I can't describe, and maybe for a moment she really was there, but when I came to some sense, I was lying on my bathroom floor next to the toilet, my own hair in my face tickling my cheeks. If it had been up to me, I might have just lied there forever.
Joe: Rainer, do you think Morgan committed suicide? Do you think she took her own life?
Rainer: No I do not.
Joe: Why do you say that?
Rainer: I've gone over it to the point of insanity in my mind and I always fall back to the same conclusion. Morgan loved life and living. She loved her family, she loved her friends and she loved me. She would have never intentionally taken her own life to escape. She was never running to begin with.
Joe: Morgan told people she was being stalked. Those people were never interviewed.
Rainer: No, and I wasn't either, which did seem odd. Being that her case had continued to change form, from the coroners decision that it was natural causes and then weeks later re-deemed as suicide... It goes with out saying that there are unanswered questions...but no one seems to really want to understand.
Joe: Do you think there are people who know what happened and are scared to come forward?
Rainer: I'm sure that there are. She was being stalked, first and for most. Even setting aside her death this leaves people of suspect.
Joe: What are some of the reactions of some of the people when you talk about Morgan?
Rainer: In all honesty, the subject isn't broached around me very much. People don't know how to talk to me about Morgan a lot of the time...and I guess I don't know what to say in return. Some things just go too deep for any sort of communicable reasoning. There seems to be a hesitation from everyone when it comes to the girl I used to spend all my time with.
Joe:Rainer, how has your life been without Morgan?
Rainer: Another question that I'm not sure I can really answer. I am alive, though at times it feels strained, like I'm trying to be here, in this place, this reality that we both used to share together. I can feel her fading in a strange way, its been two and half years since her death, and suddenly the memories of our phantom love affair begin to float away like feathers drifting off into the sky. We spent so many moments together, just together, with no other witnesses to there beauty. I'm the only thing thats left that makes them real. Somehow though life has only begun I feel as though its been re-birthed. This isn't the same life I had four years ago. I feel old beyond my time, and perhaps I'm beginning to see the beauty in the littler things, I know that somehow this is my path, and I'll be alright. And yes, I have found warmth and peace sense her death, and its made me feel guilty that I can feel these things when its only been so long since she has been gone. It's conflicting to the highest regard... and I've made a lot of mistakes putting my life on hold for the past few years...including hurting someone else who is unfathomably special to me, all the while thinking that I don't deserve this happiness anymore. I think I'm finally beginning to truly believe that she would only want the best for me. I've been practicing looking to the stars at night with my heart clutched tight and telling her, simply, “Thank you.”
Joe: Do you think there will be justice for her murder?
Rainer: I've tried to stay very balanced in my out look of all the facts and fiction. I love Toni and Steve the world, and being the people that brought a person I love and trusted so much into this world, I trust and have faith in them. I believe there will be justice for Morgan.
Joe: Thanks Rainer. You are a great guy. And no one should have to endure what you , Toni, Steve, Ryan and the rest of the family had to go through. Thank you for taking the time to share what you have to say. It means a lot. And again thank you.
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